I lied too much to protect my peace

My peace is one of the most precious things I have. The older I get, the more I realise that all I really want is a peaceful life. Not a perfect one. Not a rich one. Just one that lets me breathe a little easier. And yes, I lied too much to protect my peace. 

Don't get me wrong. I know lying is wrong. I grew up being taught to always tell the truth, and I still believe honesty matters. But I've also learned that not everything is worth explaining. Sometimes I'd rather tell a little white lie than spend the next twenty minutes explaining myself to someone who has already made up their mind. 

If you know what I mean. You know what I mean. I don't lie with bad intentions. I lie to end conversations. I lie to remove myself from situations that don't feel right. I lie because some people don't stop asking, even after you've politely changed the subject. 

I truly don't care what people assume about me. But I do care about protecting my peace. 

Lately, I've been thinking about how much I actually do this. Not big lies. Just little ones. The kind that protect my peace because sometimes it's easier to say "I'm busy." Instead of explaining myself. Or just smile, change the subject, and let the conversation end there. 

A younger version of me would've felt guilty. She would've overexplained herself. She would've worried about disappointing people. She would've replayed the conversation in her head all night, wondering if she'd said the right thing.

To be honest, I don't miss that version of me. These days, I've realised that not every question deserves access to my personal life, not every invitation deserves a yes, not every opinion deserves a response, and not every silence needs to be filled. 

Life already gives us enough to carry. I don't want to spend my energy carrying things that don't belong to me too. 

At the end of the day, my energy is limited, and my mental space are way too valuable to waste on endless justification. I'd rather spend it on the people I love and the things that bring me joy.

I'm learning that protecting my peace isn't about shutting people out. It's about choosing what deserves a place in my mind. 

Peace is expensive. Not because it costs money but because sometimes it costs expectations, sometimes it costs approval, sometimes it costs being misunderstood, and sometimes people won't understand your boundaries, and that's okay. I'd rather be misunderstood than constantly exhausted from explaining myself. 

For me, that's a price worth paying. 

Lots of glitter,
mageta ✦ ݁˖