I'm scared to fck up, but I'm ready to start over

Lately, a random thought has been living in my head. I'm scared to fck up.

Yup I am scared to fck up. Not just a little. A lot. Sometimes I worry about making the wrong decision. Sometimes I wonder if we'll have enough. Sometimes I create problems in my head before they've even happened.

I know I'm not the only one who does this. Then another thought crossed my mind. What if I do fck up? Then I'll start over. As simple as that sounds, it brought me so much peace. When I looked back at my life, I realised I've already started over more times than I can count.

I've started over in a new country. I've started over when my plans changed. I've started over when life didn't turn out the way I thought it would. None of those fresh starts were easy. They were uncomfortable and scary. There were tears, sleepless nights, and moments when I wondered if everything would be okay. But here I am. Still standing, hoping, and moving forward. 

That doesn't mean I want life to fall apart. Of course I don't. I still pray for stability. I still hope everything works out. I still get scared. The fear hasn't disappeared. I've just stopped letting it convince me that I can't handle what's next.

Whenever my thoughts become too loud, I stop trying to solve everything at once. Instead, I slow down. Sometimes I'll make myself a coffee. Sometimes I'll clean my nails. And lately, I've been hopping onto my little 2-in-1 walking pad. I'll put on a podcast or some music and just walk. Some days I finish with a few minutes on the vibration plate.

Not because it magically fixes my problems. It doesn't. But it helps me slow my mind down. By the time I step off, my situation hasn't changed. The uncertainty is still there. The bills are still there. The questions are still there. But I feel calmer. And somehow, that's enough to help me take the next step.

I've realised that I don't need to have everything figured out today. I only need enough courage for today. Tomorrow can wait until tomorrow.

If you're going through a hard season right now, this is something I want to remind both you and myself. Go through it. Feel it. Be sad. Be angry. Be frustrated. Cry if you need to. Don't rush yourself just because everyone else seems okay.

Hard seasons don't last forever. They aren't proof that you've reached your limit. Sometimes they're simply preparing you for the next chapter. One day, you'll look back and realise you made it through something you once thought would break you. And you'll be so proud of the person who refused to give up.

As for me, I'm still scared. But I'm also ready. Ready to face whatever comes next. Ready to begin again if life asks me to. Because every time I've had to start over, I've discovered a version of myself I didn't know existed.

Life isn't perfect. But we'll figure it out. We always do. One step at a time.

Lots of glitter,
mageta ✦ ݁˖ 

P.S. The little 2-in-1 walking pad I've been using is linked below. If you'd like to explore more of the little things I genuinely use and love, you can also visit my My Glittery Things page. Some of the links there are affiliate links, so thank you for supporting Daily Glittery .✦ ݁˖

 2in1 Walking Pad with Vibration


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Maybe some things are meant to stay

I tried to let it go, but I kept asking myself why. Why do I have to let my habit of writing go, when my journals have always been there for me, stacking up over the years like companions that never really asked for anything in return? They were filled with random thoughts, small feelings, and things I didn’t know how to say out loud, and somehow, that was enough. Then at some point, I got into this idea of becoming more minimal. It felt like the right thing to do, like I was supposed to let go of things I didn’t need anymore. So I told myself it was time to move on, to become someone who doesn’t hold onto things, someone who can clear everything and start fresh. And I did. Page by page, memory by memory, I let it all go. For a while, it felt like I was doing something right. But somehow, writing kept finding its way back to me. It showed up in small ways, like when I passed by a stationery section, or when I walked into a store just to look and ended up leaving with another journal ...
Read more

I found glitter in the comment section

Image
I came across a video on TikTok recently. The creator said:  "I truly believe if you do good things, good things will come back to you. It will all work out. Even better than you can imagine right now. Everything is possible. Every single thing happens for a reason, and maybe right now you can't see the reason, but one day you will." It was beautifully said. It inspired me to do better, think better, and act kinder. Then I went into the comment section. Some people wrote: "Not true." "I believe this too." "I did good things my whole life and still got treated badly." "Always grateful." "That's not how life works." The comments were all over the place. And honestly, I think that's both the beauty and the ugliness of social media. Everyone gets a voice. Everyone gets to bring their own experiences into the conversation. A single video can feel encouraging to one person and frustrating to another. One person watches i...
Read more

I don't always find the glitter and that's ok

Today we spent about 15 minutes driving to a mini farm. We stayed for about an hour. Nothing extraordinary happened. There were no big celebrations, no special occasions, and no grand adventure. We walked slowly. My daughter touched some animals for the first time. She fed them too. We watched her curiosity take over as she looked at each animal with wide eyes. We followed her pace instead of rushing from one spot to another. We took our time and enjoyed the moment. It was simple. And somehow, it made me happy. On the drive home, I realised something. I've spent a lot of time writing about finding glitter. Finding glitter in comments. Finding glitter in rainy mornings. Finding glitter in ordinary moments. But today reminded me that sometimes we don't find the glitter. Sometimes we create it ourselves. Living overseas can be expensive. I think many people who live away from home understand this feeling. Sometimes I find myself caught between wanting to save more and wanting to e...
Read more